The Gift of Solitude
Are you scared to live alone? If you’re in your early 20s and you have an annoying roommate that lives like a pig, maybe living alone sounds amazing. But have you ever thought about what living alone in your forties looks like? Does the thought of not having a family or even a spouse by that age feel daunting AF?
There’s a lot to unpack there if you answered yes. I would know because that was me when I was in my 20s and even into my 30s. The thought of living alone wasn’t exactly scary to me, but the thought of being alone at that stage of my life was more than I could handle.
Well, guess what. My worst fear came true. And I’m here to tell you that it’s not scary at all. It’s nothing to fear.
Being alone might sound pathetic to you - it did to me when I was younger! I was way judgier than I am now! I would think…”I wonder what’s wrong with her.” or I’d think something like, “no wonder she’s alone, she’s so difficult to live with!” Here’s the thing though…I know many women who have a lot of less-than-perfect qualities who are in perfectly happy cohabiting relationships. So it’s none of those things that caused them to be alone.
To be honest, I don’t know why I’m alone now. I have lots of great qualities (and of course many not-so-perfect ones like all of us do) that would make me a great partner. All I can think of right now is that it’s not what my Soul wants or needs right now. And that’s cool. I’m not fighting it. Why am I not on every dating app known to singles everywhere? Because, I’ve discovered a delicious secret…being alone is magical and rare.
At first glance, it might seem daunting—no partner to share the day’s highs and lows, no kids running around to keep you busy. But when you strip away the noise of others’ presence, you’re left with something profound: Yourself. And not just Yourself. Also, your Self.
Whether being alone is a lifestyle choice or just kinda happened after a series a crappy relationships, it doesn’t matter. Just know that you’re on an important spiritual journey - you’re being gifted the time and space to discover your Self. Frankly, at this age, it’s a rare opportunity to cultivate self-awareness, deepen your connection with the divine (however you define it), and learn to find peace within.
The following are some of the best lessons I’ve uncovered from being alone throughout most of my adult life.
Solitude Breeds Self-Awareness
When you’re alone, you’re faced with the rare gift of uninterrupted solitude.It’s an opportunity to ask questions like:
What brings me joy?
What am I avoiding?
Who am I when no one else is watching?
In quiet moments, you begin to see yourself more clearly. Without the constant input of others, you can identify what truly matters to you, what needs healing, and what you want to cultivate in your life. This self-awareness is the foundation of spiritual growth.
You Learn to Listen—to Yourself and Beyond
Living alone creates a space for stillness, and in that stillness, you can hear the things that often go unnoticed. Whether it’s your inner voice, the whispers of intuition, or the presence of something greater, solitude opens the door to deeper listening.
When your life isn’t filled with distractions, you’re more likely to notice the subtle cues guiding you—whether it’s a sense of clarity during a quiet morning or an unexpected moment of inspiration. These are moments of spiritual alignment, and they’re more accessible when you have the space to truly listen.
It Fosters Independence and Trust in Yourself
Being alone means relying on yourself—for decisions, for support, and for creating the life you want. While this can be challenging at times, it’s also deeply empowering. You learn to trust your instincts, to find solutions, and to be your own anchor.
This independence doesn’t just build confidence; it strengthens your spiritual resilience. You begin to see that you are capable, that you can handle life’s challenges, and that you have the inner resources to thrive. It’s a reminder that you are whole and complete, even on your own.
Living Alone as a Practice of Mindfulness
When you’re alone, every moment can become an opportunity for mindfulness. Cooking a meal, cleaning your space, or even sitting in silence can be acts of presence and intention. Without the distractions of others, you can fully immerse yourself in the here and now.
This practice of mindfulness nurtures your spiritual well-being. It teaches you to find meaning in the small, everyday moments and to appreciate the beauty of simplicity. Over time, you may find that You become your own sacred space—not because of how you look or your personality, but because you begin to discover the Truth of who You really are.
Space for Connection with the Divine
For many, spirituality involves connecting with something greater than oneself—whether that’s God, the Universe, Nature, or simply the energy of life. Being alone provides the perfect environment for this connection. With fewer distractions, you can dedicate time to prayer, meditation, journaling, or any other practice that nourishes your soul.
In solitude, you may find it easier to feel the presence of the Divine in your life. The quiet moments become sacred, and you become a sanctuary for reflection and growth.
It Teaches You to Embrace Discomfort
Being alone isn’t easy. There are moments of loneliness, times when silence feels heavy, or boring, or when you wish you had someone to share the mundane or magical with. But these moments are all a part of the journey! They teach you to sit with discomfort, to face your fears, and to find peace within.
Loneliness can be a teacher, showing you where you’re holding onto attachments or seeking validation outside yourself. By learning to be content in your own company, you cultivate a deeper sense of self-love and inner peace.
The Balance Between Solitude and Connection
Just to be super clear, I’m not telling you to live like a hermit. Connection is just as important as solitude. This isn’t about isolation. It means creating a balance that’s appropriate for you. For me, the time I get at work to socialize (I get to interact a LOT at work), the time I spend at the temple with my community, and the time I spend with friends and family a couple times a month is plenty for me. And I am more social than most people. As I’ve grown older, I’ve noticed that my need for constant connection is declining and I’m craving more time with my Self. Your relationships naturally become more intentional and your interactions more meaningful, because you’re no longer seeking others to fill a void.
One Final Thought
In the absence of others, you’re left to confront your own thoughts, emotions, and patterns. That might seem scary…and to be honest, for some people it is. Get the support you need on your journey. I’ve gotten to work with spiritual teachers, therapists, coaches, and healers throughout my life. They’ve been pivotal in helping me through particularly dark periods (trust me, these will come up!) and have been able to reflect things back to me that I couldn’t see for myself. All of these helpers can provide you with the right tools to help you get through the challenges of being alone.
Whether you’ve chosen to be alone or find yourself in this season of life unexpectedly, lean into the experience. Stop the scrolling, turn off the TV, pause the podcast, and just be with your Self. It’s the greatest investment you can ever make and it will pay dividends down the road. In the quiet of your own mind, you might just find the clarity, strength, and peace you’ve been searching for all along.
